


My Christmas Valentine

by CBFirestarter, EllenOfOz



Series: Valentines [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker Fluff, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Christmas Fluff, Christmas in the Bunker, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, No Angst, Romantic Fluff, Season/Series 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 22:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13063350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CBFirestarter/pseuds/CBFirestarter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenOfOz/pseuds/EllenOfOz
Summary: Christmas isn't usually a big deal for the Winchesters, but this year with Cas home and Jack excited for the holiday, the Christmas spirit is strong in the bunker. Cas is looking for a reason to stay and Dean is trying to give him one, if he can only find the courage to do so.





	My Christmas Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> We'd like to dedicate this story to all our Megacoven, but especially to our fic-loving sisters, [WaywardAF67](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardAF67/pseuds/WaywardAF67) and WaywardJenn. We hope this brings you all the holiday joy! Love your faces <3

Castiel, angel of the Lord, loved Christmas. He had been on this earth for nine of them now, and he was still trying to work out what it was about a festival at the darkest time of the year that made his father's sentient creations so excited, made them spend more than they could afford on things they didn't need. 

Castiel had watched them for thousands of years. He watched them develop their pagan religions, worshipping in the dark in the hope of bringing back the light each year. He watched as the festival became Christmas, became Christian and became commercial. He was still just as baffled now as he had been nine years ago. 

Still, there was something infectious about the sparkly lights and the cheerful music. This particular main street in Lebanon, Kansas, was strung with flashing, colourful decorations that glimmered in the chill evening air. As he walked along with Dean and Sam, they neared a park where a choir of adults and children was singing about silver bells. It was enchanting. 

Of course, his first Christmas, when Jimmy was with him, wasn't joyous. Jimmy was so desperately sad and missing his family that it had filled the angel inhabiting his body with an intense melancholy. He kept that memory close to his heart to honor the man who had given him a physical form, and turned his thoughts back to the happy scenes around him. 

Dean was window-shopping. Castiel had learned that he preferred to do this to avoid having to speak to any shop attendants, and they walked along the row of shops easily, bumping shoulders now and then. Eventually Sam huffed out a clouded breath and muttered something about catching up later as he pushed the door of a bookshop open and disappeared inside. 

Dean led Cas further along the street, where he stopped to buy some heated almonds and hazelnuts. Castiel glanced over at the shop next to them and saw a large panoramic poster advertising Niagara Falls. “Niagara Falls for you!” the poster promised. 

Dean munched contentedly and followed Castiel’s gaze. “You looking for a vacation?”

“You know, of all the places on my father's earth, I think Niagara Falls might be one of my favourites.”

“Really?” Dean asked, eyebrow raised. 

“Yes. It's stunning really, how the glacier carved out that valley, and the different rates of erosion have created the waterfalls. Did you know that at peak times, more than six million cubic feet of water flows over the falls, every minute?”

Castiel stopped talking when he noticed Dean's eyes beginning to glaze over. “Uh huh,” Dean said. 

“It's a wonderful place, don't you think?” Castiel smiled as he realised it had been a good few hundred years since he'd last looked on the natural wonder. 

Dean sounded sad. “I wouldn't know, Cas. I've never been.”

“Oh. I just thought, with all your road trips…”

“Well we don't exactly get much time off, you know.” Dean gave a rueful grin. 

“Well you should go sometime. It's worth it.”

Dean looked thoughtfully at the poster, popping another couple of the nuts in his mouth. 

Castiel wished that his grace wasn't so depleted - he could have flown them there right then, and been back before Sam was finished in the bookshop and came looking for them. No, it was better to see the falls in the daytime, anyway. 

The angel and the hunter wandered further along the street, so close that their hands bumped together now and then. Cas didn't mean to walk so close to Dean, but he had a magnetism that Cas couldn't seem to pull away from. He could see Dean’s soul glowing brightly - he might pretend not to enjoy Christmas, but Cas knew he secretly loved it. 

Castiel enjoyed relaxed times like this so much. He wished they could have them more often, but he didn't want to annoy Dean by hanging around all the time. There was only so long he could stay in proximity to Dean before it all got too much. 

He would take what he could get, until it was time to head back to the bunker and he could take off on pretense of a case to ease his aching heart.

Dean popped another hazelnut into his mouth and glanced at the angel striding along next to him. Dean had been watching Castiel all day, hoping for some hint as to what to get the guy for Christmas. Dean never normally did the whole holiday shopping thing. He and Sammy had always just grabbed stuff from the Gas n' Sip and called it a day. Dean wanted this year to be different. They had a home for once, and Sam wasn't doing trials and Dean wasn't a demon and Castiel was home where he belonged and even Jack was safe and sound as well.

Nope, this year was gonna be different. This year he wanted the all-American apple-pie Christmas, complete with gifts under the tree, wrapped in actual wrapping paper. Problem was, what do you get an Angel of the Lord? Sammy was easy - he would just jump on Sam's laptop and find whatever nerdy thing the guy was into this week and buy it for him - piece of cake. But Cas? Nothing he found seemed good enough.

Dean wasn't sure why, but he wanted this gift to show Castiel how he felt. Since he was still too chicken shit to admit it in actual words, he thought maybe a grand gesture would get the point across. He'd felt his heart racing off and on all day whenever Castiel's hand brushed against his. For all his complaints about personal space, all he wanted to do was press up against Castiel just to reassure himself the angel was still there. To grip his hand and hold on tight so he couldn't leave again.

He mulled over what Castiel had said about Niagara Falls. It had been the only thing to make Castiel's perfect blue eyes light up all day. Niagara Falls was a long way away, but he’d driven farther for a hunt. It was also romantic, wasn't it? It was where people went to get married or elope or go on a honeymoon, right?

"Hey Cas, can you grab Sam from the bookshop and meet me at the car? I have to go grab something I forgot." Dean hoped Castiel wouldn't ask what the something was.

"Sure, Dean." Castiel gave him a small smile and Dean fought down the urge to beam at him like an idiot.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, just call me if you can't pull Sasquatch away from the books, alright?"

"I'm certain that I can convince Sam to leave the bookstore on my own, Dean," Castiel rolled his eyes and turned, heading back down the street. Dean watched as the tan trench coat disappeared through the crowd.

An hour later, Dean was back at the car with the booking information from the travel agent tucked safely in his coat pocket. Sam and Castiel were standing by the trunk with shopping bags, waving arms and talking animatedly about something. Dean watched Castiel's long, elegant finger point at Sam's chest and he bit his lip, staring at it. God, did he love Castiel's hands.

"Dean? What the hell took so long?" Sam frowned and Dean snapped out his daydream about those hands carding through his hair.

"Shut it, Sammy, I had shit to do. Come on, let’s go. It’s gonna take us an hour just to get out of this parking lot." Dean nervously patted the papers tucked against his chest before getting in the car. He had booked a honeymoon suite - a fucking honeymoon suite - for three nights, and he had even booked it with cash since he didn't want Sam to get nosy about it.

Once they were all piled into the Impala, Dean began pulling out and started the frustrating process of getting out of the parking lot. He thought he could keep his cool, but when the third person cut him off followed by an errant shopping cart slamming into the side of his baby, he reached for the door handle ready to unleash hell on the unsuspecting shoppers around him. A firm hand gripped his shoulder and he turned to see Castiel leaning forward from the back.

"I don't think homicide is going to help us get home faster, Dean." Castiel gave him a raised eyebrow and Dean nearly melted under the weight of his hand. Huffing, Dean released the handle and took a few calming breaths before continuing the harrowing journey out of the parking lot.

Castiel glanced up from the book he'd been reading when he heard footsteps in the war room. Sam murmured a good morning as he climbed the stairs, heading out for a morning run. 

Jack had been keeping him company during the night, but had turned in not long ago. Unlike Castiel, he still needed some sleep now and then. 

This last few weeks was the longest he'd hung around at the bunker for some time, and while he'd enjoyed helping Jack to learn more about the world and his powers, he was starting to worry about Dean. More than he usually did, anyway. They had been feeling like a real family, especially since he had come back from the Empty and they’d caught up with Jack. But recently, Dean had been shifty, not looking at him while they spoke together, but furtively watching him when he thought Cas wasn't paying attention. Since that shopping trip into Lebanon, actually. 

Cas wasn’t sure what to make of it, but he was beginning to wonder if he might be outstaying his welcome. His chest clenched painfully as the memory surfaced - Dean asking him to leave when he was human. He’d try to leave himself before he was forced to go through that again, but he didn't feel right taking off now, just a week before Christmas, and with Jack so excited about it. 

It seemed the nephilim had caught the christmas spirit, and was excited that Santa Claus was going to bring him gifts. Castiel had been sure that Jack's logical angelic nature would prevent him from believing that a large man in a red suit delivered presents to every child in the world, but Jack had apparently developed an open mind to magical phenomena, and Dean had made Cas promise not to spoil anything. Did the bunker even have a chimney? Castiel had no idea, but from what he could tell, that didn't make any difference to the supposed present delivery. 

He still needed to get Jack something for Christmas, actually. Dean and Sam had been easy to buy for - he knew their tastes fairly well now. So far, he knew Jack had taken a liking to science fiction and fantasy films and television shows. He'd have to do some research. 

He stood up and walked down the stairs towards the living quarters, just as Dean appeared in the doorway, looking sleep-rumpled and gorgeous, as always. Castiel sighed, pushing down an intense longing to reach out and touch Dean's shoulder, or his cheek. He knew it wouldn't be welcome. Instead, he gave a small smile and said, “Hello Dean.”

Dean covered a huge yawn with one hand while raising the other in greeting. He stumbled off towards the kitchen as Cas called out to him, “Dean, may I borrow your computer for a little while?”

“Sure, whatever,” came the mumbled reply. 

Castiel walked down the corridor and into Dean's room, bed already neatly made. He couldn't spend long in here - the room held too many memories, good and bad. Castiel had kept watch over Dean for many nights while he slept, but this was also where he had betrayed his friend, stealing the Colt from under his pillow. He had longed many times to climb into this bed with Dean and hold him when the nightmares were bad, but he would never cross that line, no matter how much he wished he could. 

The computer was sitting on the desk, lid closed. He picked it up, intending to take it back out to the library, but he stopped when he noticed some folded up paper on the desk underneath where the laptop had been sitting. 

_Crowne Plaza Niagara Falls - February 13-16 2018._ This was a booking confirmation for a hotel. At Niagara Falls? Castiel's heart gave a lurch. Had Dean bought them all a holiday at Niagara Falls? He picked up the paper. No, it said the booking was for two people. 

Just then, Dean came skidding around the corner and into the room. 

Cas looked up in surprise. “Dean? What's this?” He held up the booking form. 

Coffee. Dean turned on the coffee machine and stood in the kitchen, trying to yawn away his brain-fog. 

Cas was borrowing his computer. Okay. 

He was staring at the coffee dripping in what felt like slow motion when the realization hit him. 

_Shit._

He ran out of the kitchen and around the corner towards his room, but when he got there, it was too late. 

_Fuck._

Cas stood staring at him with that adorable head tilt, confused blue eyes boring into him. The booking for the hotel at Niagara was in his hand.

_Shit, double shit._

"Dean?" Castiel now raised his brows, extending his hand with the papers in them. 

This was it - he was gonna have to come clean, and then Cas would know. He licked at his lips, racking his brain for a stall tactic, he really wasn't ready yet, he needed more time, he needed a cup of coffee and shower before making any kind of love confessions, damn it.

"It's a hotel booking. What does it look like?" Dean scoffed, trying for nonchalance.

"At Niagara Falls?" Again with the damn head tilt. For all Dean's teasing about Sam's puppy dog eyes, he had nothing on the angel's head tilt.

"Sure. Sounded fun, all that water." Dean almost slapped his palm to his forehead. _All that water? Really?_

"And who are you going with? You aren't normally one for recreational travel, Dean?"

"Um- Sam, I'm taking Sam. He's always bitching we don't go anywhere unless it's a hunt. Thought he'd like the break." He scanned Castiel's face as the angel narrowed his blue eyes at the pamphlet in front of him and looked back up at Dean.

"You booked a hotel room for you and Sam?"

"Yup."

"A honeymoon suite? With a king bed? On Valentine's Day?" Castiel looked back up at him and Dean felt a lump forming in his throat. Fuck, he had been pretty damn obvious with the booking, but since he didn't think he would have actual words to use, the booking had to speak for itself, and here it was doing just that. No way Castiel wouldn't see through him.

"It's all they had available." Dean held his breath waiting for Castiel to call him on his utter horse shit. Instead, Castiel just stared at the pamphlet then back up at Dean then back at the pamphlet. Castiel's jaw firmed a moment before he calmly picked up the laptop and handed the pamphlet to Dean with a cold look.

"I hope you have a good time," Castiel said, then turned and left the room, his trench coat billowing behind him. 

Dean stood stock still and confused as all hell. He had been certain Castiel wouldn't buy that terrible lie, but apparently he had. He had bought it, and if Dean wasn't mistaken, he was pissed about it. 

Castiel couldn't believe it. Actually, scratch that, he could believe it, because this happened every time. Just when he was really starting to feel wanted, loved, part of the family, he was reminded that the Winchester brothers would only ever choose each other. He was very much the third wheel. 

Maybe it was time to go, after all. He could go find a case, maybe go and visit Jody and Alex. He was fairly sure Claire was still hunting solo, which worried him - maybe he could try to catch up with her. No, he had Jack to think of now. He couldn't shirk on his responsibility - he owed that to Kelly. 

He sat back down in the library and opened the laptop, but just stared at it, a sick feeling settling over him. Why was this affecting him so much? Sam deserved a vacation just as much as he did - more, even. He'd look after Jack while Sam and Dean went and enjoyed the falls. He frowned as he remembered the last time he'd been there, awed by the sheer power and majesty of the rushing water. 

It was fine. He was fine. He took a deep breath, and even though he didn't really need it, it helped to calm him. 

It was just that for one moment - one shining moment - he had thought that Dean had booked the vacation for them. For the two of them. That there was a chance… 

No. 

He logged into the laptop and opened a search window. _Star Wars gifts…_

“Sam, I swear to God, if you push me down the steps one more time I am shoving this tree right up your--” Dean didn’t get a chance to finish that sentence as he saw Castiel watching them from the bottom of the steps.

“You got a tree,” Castiel stated matter of factly, still avoiding Dean’s eyes, as he had been doing for the past few days.

“Hey, Cas,” Sam smiled and took another step too fast, pushing the branches into Dean’s back again. Dean cursed and stumbled again. Whose idea had it been to bring the damn thing down the front staircase? He growled at his brother, but managed to keep his feet. 

“You have selected a very large tree, I see. Will it fit?” 

“That’s what she said!” Dean laughed. Sam just huffed an annoyed sigh and Castiel raised a confused eyebrow. Dean sighed. The perfect joke was lost on them. “Sam picked the biggest damn tree at the lot. You wanna come give us a hand?”

“I’m sure you and Sam have it covered,” Castiel said shortly, turning on his heels and walking out of the room, right as Sam lost his grip and dropped the damn thing on him.

“Sorry!” Sam said, grabbing at the trunk.

After only minimal further cursing they got the tree down the stairs. Jack brought the tree stand and the three of them spent almost an hour getting it straight and filling the bottom with water. Dean went to the kitchen to wash the sap from his hands, to find Castiel sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over Dean’s laptop. Dean knew something had been off with Cas the past few days, since he'd found the hotel booking. He was probably still pissed that Dean wasn’t taking him on the trip.

Easy solution? Tell Castiel the trip is for him, but damn it, Dean really wanted to do this right, and that meant giving Castiel his surprise on Christmas day. Couldn’t Dean have something go just how he wanted it for once? Dean had suspected for a while that Cas felt the same way he did, between the angel giving him an utter lack of personal space, or the way he stared at Dean when he thought he wasn’t looking. Dean couldn’t say how he knew, but he knew… at least he really hoped he knew that Castiel wanted him too, and not just as a friend. Castiel’s feelings were hurt, but it was only a few more days till Christmas. Surely he could cheer the guy up before then.

“Hey there, Cas, you wanna help us trim the tree?”

“Isn’t it already trimmed to the correct shape?” Castiel frowned up at Dean. Dean shook his head and went to wash his hands.

“Not trim as in trimmed, trim as in decorate, you know, lights, ornaments, the whole nine yards?” Dean couldn’t hide his smile as realization dawned across Castiel’s face.

“Actually, I was busy doing research,” Castiel said, hesitating. Dean dried off his hands and came over to Castiel, studying the melancholy look on the beautiful angles of his friend's face.

“Come on, Cas, it’s tradition. The whole family does it together, so we can’t do it without you. Sam and Jack are out there untangling old lights as we speak.”

Castiel seemed to consider for a moment, then said in a small voice, “I don't think you need my help. I'll just get in the way.”

“I’m not taking no for an answer, and I promise not to stick you on top of the tree,” Dean gave Cas a mischievous smirk.

“Why would you want to put me on the tree?” Castiel now turned, looking so earnestly perplexed that Dean burst out laughing.

“‘Cause you’re our favorite little angel tree-topper, that’s why! But don’t worry, Sam bought a star to go on top. Hurry up, don’t want Sam and Jack to hog the good ornaments.” Dean stretched out a hand to Castiel who let out a long sigh and took the proffered hand, allowing himself to be towed out of the kitchen. So what if Dean held his hand a little longer than necessary? So sue him.

Castiel allowed Dean to drag him into the library, where the tree was standing tall in front of the telescope. The top didn't quite brush the ceiling, and Sam was standing on a stepladder, attempting to drape lights high in the tree. 

Jack was standing nearby holding a line of lights up to him. “Are you sure you don't want me to just walk around the tree with them?” Jack asked, his face turned up to Sam. 

Sam sighed. “I looked into it, okay? Hanging them in vertical patterns up and down like this gives better light distribution. Let's just try it?”

Dean laughed as he let go of Cas’ hand to move things about on the table. “Nerd.”

“Shut up and hand me that star while you're standing there,” Sam retorted, pointing. 

Castiel looked over the array of shiny ornaments, noticing a large golden star. He took it over to the tree, passing it up to Sam. He smiled, teasing, “D’you think you got enough ornaments?”

Sam grinned. “Hey, it's a big tree!” He balanced the star on the topmost branch and continued with the lights. 

When Cas turned around, Dean was right behind him. “Here you go, Cas,” he said, quietly. “I got this one for you.”

The ornament was an angel, male, wearing a white robe and holding a harp. A golden halo was attached to the back of the angel's head. 

Castiel raised one eyebrow at Dean. “Dean, what exactly about this reminds you of me? It's about as inaccurate as possible. And I've told you several times, I don't have a harp.”

Dean laughed. “I'm just kidding, dude. Hang it on the tree. Maybe we can take pot-shots at it later with something.”

Cas couldn't help but grin at his friend's good spirits. He hung the angel on a branch, and went back to the table to find another decoration. Jack handed him a box of gold baubles and they went to work. 

Dean clapped his hands suddenly. “We need music!” He fetched his laptop from where Cas had left it in the kitchen and fired up the music app. The jaunty strains of a Christmas song came from the tinny speakers. 

“What is this shit?” Dean exclaimed in horror. “There's no way I'm having ‘A Wonderful Christmas Time’ playing in my bunker. I hate this fuckin’ song.” He fiddled with the computer until music started again, different but no less upbeat. “That's better,” Dean said as he started to dance around the table. 

Sam snorted with laughter as Jack joined in with the dancing. 

Cas shook his head and smiled in wonder. It seemed humans’ musical tastes also went out the window at this time of year. 

A warm glow filled him as he realised that there was nowhere else he'd rather be than home with his family. 

Dean had been working double time to keep Castiel in a good mood leading up to Christmas Eve. Between watching all the holiday movies on TV, and making sure Cas was involved with all the traditions, none of it was really doing the trick. He still caught Castiel looking at him when he thought Dean wouldn't see, with that hungry look in his eye. And fuck, if that look wasn't so incredibly hot it practically made Dean want to purr. He also saw the telltale look of something else - fear, maybe? It was the look Castiel got when he was resolving to do something, usually resolving to leave, and it had Dean on edge.

He let himself dwell on it while he stood in the kitchen, preparing vegetables for dinner. He didn't think he was strong enough to survive Cas leaving again. He hadn't admitted it out loud, but that last time, when Lucifer had put his blade through Cas and he'd seen those scorched wings on the ground, it had broken him on some deep level. The only other time he had felt quite that shattered was when Sam jumped into the pit. It had been like the world flipped upside down on its axis, dumping Dean into a great black void. Now that he was out of the pit of grief and Castiel was back from the Empty, things just seemed so incredibly clear. He didn't want to waste another moment not loving Castiel the way he should be loved. Part of him hoped that if they could just admit this thing between them, this chemistry, this fire, then it would all just slip into place.

He was still stuck in his own head as he came out to the library to find Sam sitting on the floor next to the tree, back against a bookshelf, flipping pages in some large text.

"You know we got chairs, Sasquatch?" Dean smiled but crouched down till he was seated on the floor next to his brother. He ignored the protest his knees made about it, ‘cause he was not old enough for creaky knees.

"The book was on the bottom shelf and I just didn't feel like getting back up," Sam shrugged, "Plus, the tree looks great from here."

Dean looked up a the sparkling lights of the tree and had to agree it was a nice view. He suddenly remembered being a small child, lying under the tree and staring up through the branches at all the lights. His mom might have been there, just barely pregnant with Sammy at the time. It was the only Christmas memory he had from before the fire. He wondered if Cas might agree to lie down under the tree with him and look up at the lights. He should definitely get Jack to try it, anyway. 

"Earth to Dean?" Sam waved a hand in front of his face. "What's going on with you? You've been cagey as hell the past few days."

"I dunno, just got a lot on my mind." Dean pulled out his pocket knife and started flipping it open and closed, twirling it in his fingers.

"You would have less on your mind if you told me about it," Sam suggested keeping his eyes on the book he was obviously no longer interested in.

"It's just... I got this gift for Cas and now that I'm gonna give it to him tomorrow... It just has me a little strung out, okay?" He should have known better than to think Sam would nod and leave things at that.

"I'm sure he'll love whatever you got him. Castiel is the easiest guy around to please."

"I know he'll like it, I am just scared he won't like what it implies."

"And what does it imply?"

Dean hesitated, taking a glance at Sam and then around the empty library. Still, he lowered his voice when he replied, "It kinda tells him how I feel."

"Heaven forbid!" Sam mock-gasped and clutched at his chest, earning him a hard smack on the shoulder.

"I'm trying to be serious, asshole," Dean growled.

"I'm sorry, I promise best behavior... so you're gonna tell Cas you're in love with him then?"

Dean's head whipped around so fast he was surprised it didn't come clean off. Sam just looked at him with that patient, understanding look of his, that just made Dean wanna pull his Pantene Pro-V hair out by the roots. He struggled for words and they just wouldn't come to him.

"Dean, look, I know how you feel about Cas. Everyone knows how you feel, I even think he does. And for the record, he feels that way too." 

"Did he tell you?!" Dean asked, shocked, and then lowered his voice, "Did he say that to you?"

"He doesn't have to, Dean, it's written all over his face, and I think it's about damn time you idiots owned up to it."

"It's not that easy." Dean frowned, but felt an immense weight lifting off his chest at Sam's words.

"It's only as hard as you make it, Dean. Give him the gift, tell him how you feel and see what happens."

"Fuck. That's fucking scary as shit, you know that?" Dean rubbed a hand over his forehead, hiding his face from his brother.

"Yeah, I get that, but my brother, he isn't scared of anything. You've got this." Sam gave him a truly genuine smile and Dean couldn't help but return it. He gave Sam's shoulder a squeeze as he hoisted himself back up, resolving not to be a coward. He patted the pamphlet he now had tucked in his coat for safe keeping. Looking down at his moose of a brother, he felt Sam's words taking root, giving him the last little strength he needed. 

He cleared his throat. "You coming to help with dinner soon?"

"Yeah, once I finish this chapter. The tenderloin needs more time to marinate, anyway."

"Thanks, Sammy." Dean smiled and hoped Sam knew he wasn't talking about the tenderloin. By his brother's answering smile, he thought he did.

“Here.” Dean handed Castiel a mug of something. 

He put down the cutlery he been laying out on the kitchen table and took it, eyeing the contents dubiously. A cautious sniff revealed alcohol, something dairy in origin, perhaps eggs? “What is this? Did your cake batter go wrong again?”

Dean gave him a hard look. “Dude, my cakes never go wrong. This is eggnog. Try it.”

Castiel took a sip, and even though he knew he couldn't taste the cinnamon or the alcohol in the same way as Dean did, the smooth, creamy texture was pleasant in his mouth. He hummed appreciatively and continued to sip at the warm drink. 

Dean smiled fondly, pleased with the reaction. “Knew you'd like it. Could you round up the others? This is ready now.”

Jack took little convincing to be torn away from his computer, and the four of them gathered at the kitchen table. Cas had placed sprigs of holly with red berries down the centre of the table as decorations, and the food that Dean and Sam had prepared was laid out like a feast. 

Sam, Dean and Jack served up their food and tucked in, exclaiming over how good the honeyed carrots had turned out or how tender the meat was. Castiel just sat quietly. If there was one thing he missed from his short time as a human (in fact the only thing), it was the ability to taste food properly, rather than its molecular structure. He shifted in his chair, uncomfortably out of place with the others enjoying their meal. He picked up a piece of holly and ran his fingers along the sharp points on the leaf.

“This is amazing,” Jack said with a big grin. “I like Christmas. Can we do this more often?”

Castiel smiled at his enthusiasm. He glanced at Dean, unable to shake the feeling that he should leave the room, that his inability to share the meal was ruining it.

Dean just gave a short laugh. “Sure, we should definitely do this more often. I don't need some fictional god-baby to enjoy a delicious meal with my family.”

“Not fictional,” Cas said, still fiddling with the holly. 

“What?” Sam asked, surprised. 

When Cas looked up, three pairs of eyes were on him. “Jesus. He was a real man. A charismatic religious leader, from what I've heard. I've never actually met him. The archangels tend to keep us away from the big prophets.”

Sam's mouth was hanging open, but Jack went back to eating his baked vegetables. 

After swallowing his mouthful, Dean managed to get out, “He was a prophet?”

“Yes. The Christians have embellished his story a bit over the years.” Castiel really didn't want to go into this. Being reminded of his real, Heavenly family had amplified the uneasy feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with the eggnog he had drunk. 

Sam came to his rescue, asking, “So Christmas must be a busy time in heaven, huh?”

Castiel considered. “No busier than usual, although the prayer rate does increase over holidays.”

Dean helped himself to another slice of beef. He smirked. “Don't you guys have some singing to do or something? 

Castiel winced. “I can assure you, the descriptions of Heavenly choirs are severely exaggerated. Angels are no better at singing than humans are, although my brother Gabriel's voice was quite pleasant.”

Sam choked a little. “The… The Trickster, Gabriel?”

Castiel raised one eyebrow at Sam's odd reaction. “Yes. Are you alright, Sam? You look a little flushed.”

Dean looked at his brother and let out a huge laugh. Jack just asked, “Who's Gabriel?”

Over the rest of dinner, Dean and Castiel traded stories of their adventures with Gabriel and Castiel's other brothers. Jack laughed along, but Sam was uncharacteristically quiet. 

Jack asked, “So where's Uncle Gabriel now? I'd like to meet him!”

Castiel and Dean fell quiet. Cas drew in a breath. “He would have loved to meet you, too. But he's sleeping now. In the Empty, I suppose.”

“Oh,” Jack said, thoughtfully. 

A wave of sadness overcame Cas for a moment, and he looked down at the holly, still in his hands. All of his brothers and sisters, lost over the years… It was more than he could bear. 

A hand gripped his wrist, squeezing gently, and he looked up into a gentle look in Dean's green eyes that stole the breath from his lungs.

Dean saw the sadness sweep over his friend's face and could almost see the many losses playing before his eyes. Castiel had lost so many things, so many people, and so often for the sake of a Winchester. Dean didn’t want to be the reason Castiel lost anything else.

“So, uh, I need you three to do me a favor,” Sam said, pushing back in his chair and getting up. “I need you guys to make yourselves scarce and not go near the war room for at least the next hour.”

“Okay, ‘cause that's not suspicious,” Dean scoffed, wondering what his brother was up to.

“My Christmas gift this year is for all of us and I need time to set it up.” Sam was rocking back and forth on his heels, and Dean could read the excitement rolling off him.

“But it’s Christmas Eve. Isn’t gift giving traditionally on Christmas Day?” Jack asked, tilting his head with an uncanny resemblance to Cas.

“It is, but I want us to be able to enjoy it tonight. Do you guys promise to stay out?” Sam put on a stern, fatherly air that reminded Dean just a little bit of John.

“Alright, ya big elf, go do what you need to. We won’t move, okay?” Dean chuckled.

Sam's face lit up almost as bright as the Christmas tree before he ducked out of the room. Jack volunteered to take care of dishes and Dean had to admit the kid was growing on him, especially if he didn’t have to end up with dishpan-hands.

“Hey Cas, you wanna go for a walk with me?” Dean ventured, hoping for some more alone time with the angel.

“Isn’t it cold?” Castiel queried.

“Yeah, Cas, it’s winter. That’s what coats are for. Come on, fresh air will do us good.” Dean offered Castiel his hand and smiled when he grabbed it. 

They went to their rooms, donning their coats and gloves. Dean insisted that Castiel wear a hat, even though he protested that he really didn’t mind the cold. If Dean happened to get a chance to run his fingers through Castiel’s mop of hair and trace the shell of his ear than that was just a happy accident.

The night was cold but there was no wind and the clouds above seemed to be threatening snow. There was a small loop that went about a mile around the bunker - sometimes Dean would walk it just to clear his head. Castiel matched Dean’s strides and didn’t ask any questions about where they were going, just kept pace next to him. His presence was so calming, Dean just breathed in the sense of safety.

“You seem… happy.” Castiel stated, glancing over at him. It almost sounded like a question.

“I am, Cas.” He meant it too, he really was happy.

“It’s nice seeing you happy. It becomes you.”

“It becomes me?” Dean laughed.

“Yes, when you're happy you smile, and when you smile your cheeks dimple and your eyes crease. It's very… appealing.” Castiel sucked in his lower lip as if he had let his mouth run away with him. 

Dean could practically feel the flush creep up his neck. “I’m sure you say that to all the boys,” he chuckled, “tell ‘em just how appealing they are.”

“Not all the boys, Dean.” Castiel glanced over at him a moment, with a look like he was going to say more but thought better of it. 

Dean could feel a hard lump forming in his throat, cutting off his ability to come up with a witty reply. “Thanks, Cas,” was all he could muster. 

They fell back into silence as they made their way down the path. Castiel’s eyes kept drifting up toward the dark, cloud-covered sky. Dean knew the look - he had seen it before. It meant Castiel was restless, and Dean wished he knew why. The small pang of fear that Castiel would leave settled on his chest again and he felt the strong urge to touch the man beside him, to ground him somehow.

Reaching out a hand, Dean looped his arm through Castiel’s, pulling the angel flush against his side. It was a risk, but Dean needed to let him know that he was there and not going anywhere. Castiel shot him a confused look.

“It’s cold,” Dean said as if that completely answered his strange behavior. Castiel finally smiled then, not a big toothy grin but a closed-lip contented smile. Dean continued, “I’m not the only one who is sexy as hell when they smile. Just sayin’.” Dean grinned but couldn’t look Castiel in the eye when he said it.

“I believe I called you appealing, not sexy,” Castiel corrected, his smile growing wider, “though I accept your compliment.”

“So what’re you saying? I’m not sexy?” Dean teased, wiggling his eyebrows at him.

Castiel let out a laugh, “You don’t need me to tell you how sexy you are, Dean Winchester. I'm sure you have figured that out all on your own.”

“Still, it’s nice to hear I've still got it. Not as young as I once was.”

“You have aged exceptionally well for a human.”

“Aw shucks, Cas, you're making me blush,” Dean chuckled, looking up at the sky. “Snows starting.”

Castiel looked back up as well and indeed the promised snow flurries were starting to fall. They were just barely starting to stick to the branches but melting when they hit the ground. Dean knew that would change and maybe Jack would have a white Christmas after all, come morning.

They hurried back inside the bunker and Dean brushed off the snow from Castiel’s shoulders, lingering over the curve of them a moment. What he wouldn’t give to pull Castiel in close and brush their lips together, just to feel their heat. As if reading his mind, Castiel looked up into Dean’s eyes and they both froze, faces inches from each other. Dean’s heart was beating so loud he thought the angel might be able to hear it. Right as he thought he might not be able to wait and his body was tipping forward, a loud voice called out.

“It’s ready, come on down!” Sam's voice came from the bottom of the spiral staircase. 

Dean sighed, stepping back. “We'd better hurry up.”

Castiel nodded, firming his lips. They turned to look over the edge of the balcony. 

Sam stood near the map table, arms on his hips, almost vibrating with energy. Jack was at his side.

“Merry Christmas!” Sam smiled and pointed at the foot of the stairs, where two large loveseats were now placed. As Dean descended the stairs, he could see they were facing the wall where a huge flat screen TV was mounted.

“You got us a living room?” Dean asked, looking at the set up and feeling the soft suede on the couch.

“Yeah, well, the family has gotten bigger and I was tired of watching movies in our room or on laptops. So I got us some couches and a flat-screen so we can all watch stuff together. Whaddya think?”

Dean inspected the couches, and went to run a finger over the sharp edge of the TV. “I love it, Sammy. This is perfect.” He flashed a grin at Sam, not even able to find it in him to tease his brother.

“I think it’s great!” Jack exclaimed. “Can we watch a movie tonight?”

“That’s the idea! I even got Dean’s favorite Christmas movie.”

“Die Hard?” Castiel asked and all eyes turned to him with shocked stares. “What? It's Dean’s favorite, isn't it?” Castiel shook his head at Sam, as if offended that he was surprised. Dean was momentarily speechless. 

“Ready when you guys are,” Sam smiled and tugged Jack over to the far loveseat, sitting down and tossing his feet up on the matching ottoman. 

Dean saw the other empty loveseat and turned to Cas.

Castiel eyed Dean a moment and he gave him a small shrug, as if to say, May as well? He went to sit down, Dean shuffling after. 

The seats were comfy and deep, but they left plenty of room for Dean to sit without needing to touch Castiel. Dean wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse right now. 

Dean felt his fingers twitch at the start of the movie, desperate to feel Castiel’s long fingers twined with his. Dean switched hips and shifted in his seat, only half paying attention. Something about having Castiel that close and not touching him was driving his sanity out the window. When had that happened anyway?

Right when Dean’s knee started jiggling in place he felt a firm had press down on it, stilling his erratic movements. He glanced over at Cas, who began to run his thumb in slow, calming circles over his knee. Dean felt like he might melt into the seat cushions and never come out. He shifted his hip again, but this time, he closed the small gap between his and Castiel’s legs so that they were pressed against each other. The feel of the angel next to him soothed his nerves immediately. He wanted this so bad he could almost taste it, he just didn’t want to do something to screw it all up.

Come the end of the movie, Sam and Jack declared their exhaustion, heading for their rooms and wishing good nights all around. Dean hesitated as Castiel began making his way down toward his own room.

“Wait Cas, you uh- wanna help me with the last Christmas Eve surprise?” Dean was wired from sitting so close to Castiel all night and wasn’t ready to let the angel out of his sight yet.

“What else do you have planned?” Castiel queried, looking not at all amused with the prospect of more work.

“Santa, of course! Come on.” Dean waved a hand and Castiel followed him to the kitchen. Dean pulled out the milk, cookies and a bag of carrots.

“Are you still hungry even after all the pie tonight?”

“It’s for Santa, not me. Let's give Jack something to believe in.” Dean set the cookies down and chomped down a bite or two so it looked like Santa had eaten some, and filled the glass of milk halfway.

“What are the carrots for?”

“The reindeer, of course,” Dean laughed. “Come on, give a couple nibbles on these so it looks like they came.”

Castiel eyed the carrots suspiciously, chewing on his bottom lip before grabbing one and starting to gnaw on it. Dean fought back a giggle at the sight - it was just too damn funny. He let out a huge yawn as he gathered up the items to put next to the tree.

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah, Cas, I'm always a little tired,” Dean shrugged. “After all this holiday crap is finished it'll be time for a rest.”

“I think it is probably time for me to go soon as well.”

This brought Dean up short. “Go? Where? Why?”

“I’m not sure where yet, but now that Jack is fairly settled I think it’s time for things to get back to normal around here.”

“And that doesn’t include you? What the hell, man?” Dean's face was hot, his heart suddenly racing. How could he be thinking of leaving, again? 

“I will only be a call away, Dean, and honestly, I think it would be for the best.”

“Best for fucking who?! Let’s get one thing straight - the bunker isn't normal without you in it. Your leaving isn’t best for anyone, sure as shit isn’t best for me.”

“Dean, maybe it’s best for me, alright? I can’t keep staying here and, and… feeling how I feel, it’s just… too hard. You and Sam will manage just fine on your own, you always find a way.”

“But what if I don’t want to find a way?” Dean asked, starting to panic. The vice in his chest was tightening. He didn't want to fight about this now. This was not how it was supposed to fucking happen. 

Castiel looked up at Dean, pain clear in his blue eyes. “You don’t need me, not like I need you to. Have your vacation with Sam, and rest, Dean. You've earned it.” 

The overwhelming sadness in Cas’ voice was like a punch to Dean's gut. He was still upset about the damn vacation? He couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t wait and cause his angel pain. Reaching inside his coat pocket, he pulled out the pamphlet and pressed it to Castiel’s chest.

He spoke quieter, saying, “That just it, Cas, I do need you. I need you like I need air, okay? And I was trying to save this for Christmas, to show you just how much you mean to me.”

Castiel looked at the paper in confusion. “What is it? The reservation for Niagara?” 

“I got it for you - I got it for us, okay? I lied about taking Sam so I wouldn’t ruin the surprise, but, well… there it is.” Dean gestured at the papers.

“I don’t understand.” Castiel replied after a moment, looking up at Dean. “You want to vacation with me? Why?”

“I thought- I thought it might be, you know, a chance to get away, just the two of us. So I can tell you how I feel without the damn moose around the whole time!” God, he hoped Castiel would catch on soon because any more sharing of feelings might be the end of him. 

“How you feel…?”

“Cas, I need you. I... I love you.”

Castiel wasn't often struck speechless, but he found himself unable to move, his mouth hanging open. Instead of his lungs filling with air (they didn't really need to), he was filling up with a peculiar mixture of heat, followed by cold chills. Dean loved him? _Loved… him_? But he'd been so cagey and odd lately, avoiding him and being awkward. Right now, for example, the hunter was gradually turning brighter and brighter shades of red, avoiding Castiel’s eyes then flicking to his lips, then back up to his eyes in desperation. 

Dean started to speak, and Castiel marvelled at this man, the man who _loved him_. “I mean, I just really need you to stay, okay? Because everything's better when you're here, we're a family, and I don't even know if angels are built for that kind of relationship, probably not, sorry I shouldn't have--”

He was cut off when Castiel closed the distance between them and crushed their mouths together, pushing Dean back into the stove with a crash. Dean made a surprised kind of noise, then brought his hand up to the back of Castiel’s neck. 

Cas had a horrible realization that maybe he had misread the situation. He pulled back slightly, murmuring, “I’m sorry, did I…”

“No.” Dean stared into his eyes and moved his hand up to tangle in Castiel’s hair, drawing him in slowly to touch their lips together, softly. “You have no idea how long I’ve--”

Castiel pushed him against the stove again, saying between kisses, “Stop… talking…” He had no idea kissing could be so pleasurable, especially when Dean licked his tongue into his mouth like that, and… oh… the hard press of Dean’s body against his was intoxicating. 

Dean had thought about this moment for years, but it was nothing like he expected. Cas was warm and hard and hell he was so fucking hot. It was utterly overwhelming and euphoric all at once. Yep, Dean could really get used to this.

As Cas nipped at his lower lip, pressed against him he let out a low, breathy moan he would later deny he ever made. As if hearing his thought Castiel gave a soft chuckle, pulling back to cup Dean’s face and look at him.

“So we are really going to Niagara Falls?”

Dean leaned in to plant a swift chaste kiss on his lips.

“You betcha!”

“On Valentine’s Day? Does that make me your Valentine?” Castiel grinned like a Cheshire cat and Dean thought it was a very good look on him.

“Yes it does, Cas. If you want to be, that is?” He hated how insecure he sounded, but seeing as Cas had just been talking about leaving, he thought he might be a little justified.

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes a moment like he was studying him or something. Right when he started to feel like a bug under a microscope, Castiel replied in that big rumbly voice, “Yes, Dean, that is exactly what I want.”

An invisible weight lifted, nine years worth of tension melted away, and Dean pulled Cas in for another kiss, this time slower and deeper, letting himself take everything about the angel in. He felt like he might get lost in that kiss, fall down the rabbit hole and never come out. 

A shocked voice broke the moment. “Jeeze guys, get a dang room, we have plenty to pick from!” 

Dean looked up to see his shocked and smiling brother. “I think it’s past your bedtime, Samuel.” Dean scowled at his brother's perfectly terrible timing.

“I second Dean on this. Goodnight, Sam.” Castiel gave Sam a downright dangerous look that would make weaker men quake.

“Alright, alright, I can take a hint. Have a good night you two, don’t stay up too late,” Sam smiled and winked at Dean before shuffling off down the hall with his laptop under his arm, giving a hoot on his way.

“Remind me to put some coal in his stockings,” Dean grumbled.

“Don’t worry about Sam,” Castiel said, pulling Dean’s face down to kiss him softly on the forehead.

“Will you come with me a minute? I wanna show you something.”

“Another surprise?”

“I guess so. Come on.” Dean led Castiel into the war room. The only light in the room came from the hallway and the Christmas tree up in the library. Dean headed for the tree, coaxing Castiel to lay down with him beside it with their heads just under the lowest branches.

“This is nice. The lights are very pretty from here,” Castiel murmured, looked up with wonder while Dean stared at the stunning man beside him, face lit by the colored lights.

“Merry Christmas, Cas,” Dean said, lacing their fingers together.

Castiel turned to face him, leaning over and brushing their noses together, sending a shiver down Dean’s spine. “Happy Christmas, Dean.”

A Happy Christmas it was indeed.

Jack bounded out of his room at 5:25 am, his face lit with a child-like joy as he beheld the presents under the tree. 

Castiel smiled from where he was sitting in an armchair nearby. “Happy Christmas, Jack,” he said, standing. “I believe we've had a visitor.” he gestured to the kitchen, and Jack breathed, “Santa!” and practically bolted from the room. 

Cas chuckled. He'd spent a wonderful night with Dean, cuddled up on the memory foam, trading kisses and touches and stories of how long they had wasted secretly loving each other. Cas didn't think he could be any happier in this form - he was sure that if he gave up his grace to become human again, he might just float away on his euphoria. Hmm, that wasn't a bad idea - he decided he'd have to look into that. 

In any case, he'd left Dean's warm, sleeping form in the early hours to get his own gifts under the tree, and now he'd better go and wake the hunter with coffee to make sure he didn't shoot Jack. 

Jack had already polished off the rest of the milk and cookies by the time Castiel got in there to make coffee. Jack was beside himself. “Can we open presents now?”

“Not yet!” Cas grinned. “Why don't we let Sam and Dean sleep a little longer?”

Jack's face was a picture of impatience. “Right. You're right. Of course.” He looked like he was about to burst. 

Castiel poured the coffee into a mug and put a hand on Jack's shoulder. “Why don't you go open the ones from Santa? I'll go wake them up. There's no long sleeps on Christmas morning, I'm told.”

Jack's face lit up and he dashed from the room again. 

Cas shook his head in wonder. After all this time, humans continued to baffle him. Even the half-humans. But as he heard a delighted gasp from the library, he understood how people could spend so much time and money on making Christmas perfect for their loved ones, and also why the holiday held such sadness for others. 

He knocked on Sam's door, then opened Dean's quietly to wake him with soft kisses and coffee, just like he'd dreamed about doing for years. 

Dean leaned back against the armchair Cas was sitting in, basking in the domestic bliss. He let out an involuntary sigh when Cas trailed his fingers down the back of his neck, thanking every deity for last night.

Sam ripped the paper and pulled out a new North American atlas. He glanced at Dean, then to the angel. “Uh, thanks, Cas.”

Castiel rumbled happily, “I noticed the atlas you keep in the Impala is nearly twenty years old, and there's been a lot of road development in that time. I thought you could use an update.”

“You know we mostly just use our phones …” he paused as he noticed Dean glaring at him. “...but it's good to have an offline backup. Thanks.” He smiled. “Dean, did you have something for Cas here?”

“No, I already gave it to him last night.” He smiled at the memory of their kisses in the kitchen. 

Sam choked out a cough. “I bet you did.”

“Hey, shut up, bitch!” Dean was scandalised, but Cas just laughed. Jack looked confused - Dean would have to explain later or he'd never hear the end of it. 

Cas spoke up, “Actually I have something for Dean there. At the back?”

Sam found the flat, ribbon-wrapped present and passed it over. Dean inspected the careful wrapping a moment and smiled, thinking of how long it must have taken Castiel to figure out how do it.

Dean murmured, “Aw man, you didn't have…” He trailed off as he ripped the paper to reveal a vinyl case with _Led Zeppelin_ and a giant flaming airship on the cover. He stared at it, the sounds of his childhood, of his life on the road. Over a rushing in his ears, he was dimly aware of Cas voice behind him. 

“... and I heard that the sound quality of vinyl was far superior to--”

Dean silenced the angel by turning around and launching at him, kissing him hungrily. 

There was a shocked sort of silence in the room, then Sam laughed loudly. Jack joined in, saying, “Finally!”

A knock on the top bunker door startled them all out of the moment. 

“They're early,” Sam remarked, as Dean jumped up and headed up the stairs. He opened the door with a creak, to reveal Jody and Alex standing in the snowy porch. 

Jody dropped the bags she was carrying and put out her arms with a “Heeeey!” and there were many hugs and shouts of “Merry Christmas” all around. 

They all barrelled down into the bunker and suddenly, it was a party. _Yep,_ Dean thought, filled with a warm glow. _We are definitely doing Christmas from now on_. He walked over to Cas, putting his arm around the angel's shoulder and placing a kiss on his cheek. 

Castiel pulled him in for a real, deep kiss and Dean threw the rest of his family the bird as they hooted and hollered. 

If Christmas had turned out this good he couldn’t wait to see what Valentine’s Day had in store. It was going to be a very happy new year.


End file.
